The elephant ride: There were a few different types of elephants on our ride up the hill; some were the hare and others (at least one) was the tortoise. The road up the Amber fort was long, and most of us had no opportunity before today to have been on the top of the elephant. They have the tendency to snot all over their passengers, although they never seem to get the drivers - who, by the way, carry certified, bonafied elephant driver licences. They include the photo and date of expiry. I wonder if we could get them in Canada?
Okay, that was the most lame introduction of any blog I've ever seen... (this is an editorial interjection) and this is mostly because the vast majority of the five people sitting here in the computer room are totally exhausted (I've been corrected, four people in the computer room... which shows me just how tired we are). Since I (Jeff) am the fastest typer, they have put me in charge of typing their stream of thoughts... although, the stream is more like a small brook... nah, more like a trickle... nah.. more like that little stream that comes when your toilet plunger doesn't seal properly and it just kinda drizzles. Anyhow, that's how we're feeling right now. I've written a whole paragraph, and the ladies in the room have said.. uh, three words.
(verbatim) . . . . "Okay, uh, well most of the day's topics have been talked about. So, why don't we talk about .. uh, how about we... hey, are you typing what I'm saying.. STOP THAT... no, really, stop that."
Okay - we've determined that we'll give you an update on ... wait, maybe we should explain SKIN TAX.
Yes, a TOPIC. Finally.
Krishna (not the God, the guide) let us in on a little Indian secret. Based on the virtue of our skin colour, we are automatically charged between 30 and 50 percent more than locals who are shopping at the same store. This also includes the monuments. Did you know that there are prices for Locals and prices for Foreigners... For example, to get into the Taj Mahal the price for a local is about 35 Rupees while the white folks (and this includes Ed who was born in Latin America but is white by virtue of his proximity to us) had to pay 750 Rupees. Translation: 75 cents versus 15 dollars. . . .
Okay, back to where we were going... We want to give you an update on each of the members of the group.
We'll start with Father David Creamer, the bloodhound, who was charged with the task of finding the Sandalwood. He has picked up every carved statue in India and smelled it to determine whether it is REAL sandalwood or not - - He's yet to find the real thing... WAIT, News Flash: FAKE KNOCK OFFS IN INDIA... never would'a guessed.
Lloyd: Poor guy, he just keeps getting sucked in. He has so many "Special Friends." Lloyd to a Hawker is like a moth to a flame - it's neat to watch, but it always ends so tragically. Nuff said.
Cari: The queen mom of toilet paper; she has everything in that bag. If she were a character from a movie, it'd be Mary Poppins... Except, I don't think that Mary Poppins carries a zip lock bag to the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet and takes things away for lunch in her purse.
Matt: Wiki-Matt is the king of missing the last step and almost falling flat on his face. He does it in a kinda cool, disinterested sort of way - but deep down inside, we really know he cares. Matt, watch that step... really. As a side note, Matt 's mom packed his bag so when we ask him if he has this or that, the response is, "I don't know - my mom packed my bag.. but I'm pretty sure that Cari has it." The one thing we do know that Matt has his own anti-bacterial lotion, which he puts on the bottom of his feet when we need to take off our shoes to enter Hindu Temples. Makin' India a little cleaner one step at a time.
Ed: He is the social activity coordinator. He has the travel book, and tells us all the information we need to know before we actually arrive. The funny thing is, though, when we do arrive, we can never actually find Ed. Where the heck does he run off to? He's also in charge of the "Party Room" which has yet to really open... three cities, five promises, big hopes, no party room.
Anna: She is our token Indian on the trip, but she's actually Italian - but this seems to be an irrelevant piece of information for the Hindu men who keep speaking to her in Hindi. They're either asking her to marry her or trying to sell her a piece of kitch for 5 rupees. We've yet to determine.
Ken: When we hear the word TIP, we just point to Ken. He now knows the following prices: Using the washroom is 2 Rupees, tipping the elephant driver is 50 Rupees, waiters and guides 100 Rupees. And, if we have no idea what's actually going on, he's always got a tip for us... this is the most frequent of occurrences, actually.
Nadine: She's the window shopper, really... literally. Out of the side of the bus, she's got hands reaching up and selling her all sorts of stuff. She's made the best deals from her air-conditioned window-seat on the bus and (according to the folks at pizza hut) she is one heck of a dancer.
Deanna: The bargaining queen - if there's a deal to be had, she'll find it. In fact, we're convinced she's traded Matt for a pair of silver earrings...
Carla: Happy traveller - she's willing to try anything, including a mouth full of elephant snot, even if it means "doing puja to the porcelain god later in the evening." If you've ever seen Sex and the City when Charlotte drinks the Mexican water and makes a real masala of the place...Okay, I'm Sari, we're full of Indian jokes!!!
Liz: At the Taj Mahal and at Ghandi's cremation site, everyone wanted to take her photo. People think she's famous - she's all decked out in the sunglasses and the hat, and people just want to be near her. It's quite incredible... Perhaps she looks like someone famous from Bollywood?
Jeff: No, no... no... no... no, no, no... no! No, I don't want. No, noo... no. noo. noo. no!! no. Nooo. No. Why aren't you in school... no, nooo, no. I don't want. No.
Nadia: The questioner of the group. If there is a question to be asked, Nadia will do it. If there is a show tune to be sung for each occasion....she'll sing it. We've heard such hits as "Maharaja" whenever anyone says the word, "Some day my prince will come" every time we visit a castle...We are off to the mountains next and we are interested to see which songs we will hear from the sound of music...
...Great Jeff left and now I am suppose to write my own description...who's idea was it to blog anyway....
Andrea: I am a Pisces. I like walks on the beach and air turbulence. I am often mistaken as a local anywhere I travel, and I think I may have been arranged in a marriage or will be receiving a free goat when for me......there was a special price.
Tomorrow the great trek begins with a 5:00 am wake up call, a 5 hour bus ride to Delhi to catch a quick 22 hour train ride into the mountains. Those doughnuts in the morning better be damn good.
Namaste,
Jeff, Nadia, Carla and Andrea
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