But for the grace of God go I

Hello to my fellow travellers, family, friends, and any other random people who may be reading this blog,
My name is Cari and I have the privilege of travelling with this fabulous group of people through this incredible country (or at least parts of it).
Putting together thoughts, ideas and impressions of this trip in the short time I have on the computer (90 minutes for 200 rupees or about $ 2.75 cdn) is no easy task but I wanted to give it a try.
Most of us have been here for about 5 days and they have been incredibly packed. I am not the best tourist; I am not particularly interested in the details of buildings, history or architecture and lots of the information I have been receiving as a tourist goes in one ear and out the other. Being an eighth grade teacher, I have often said I am the worst eighth grade student ever, and I am hoping I have heard just enough to be able to at least get by on the exam and not wreck my GPA.
What has not escaped me, as we have passed through these sights, are the people and the energy of this incredible country; it is really impossible to sum up in words the feeling I get as I watch the people around me.
We live in a crazy world and since the beginning of civilizations as we know them it seems things have always been this way.....some people have so much while others have nothing.
Today a few of us left the group to see the funeral procession of the last monarchs in the area. She died last night which affected some of our sight seeing plans, but left us with the opportunity to experience a piece of Indian life we would never have the opportunity to see otherwise. We stood on the street corner and watched the procession....first elephants, then horses, and then the truck with the coffin and family. After it passed we joined the crowd, which would follow it to the place for cremation (as is the Hindu custom). We were clearly the only foreigners in the crowd, and for the most part no one seemed to mind, or even notice all that much (though we were stared at a bit)
After a little while we turned off onto a side street to find a putt-putt to take us back to the hotel. That the nine of us piled into one little rickshaw (just slightly bigger than a golf cart, with a motor like a lawn mower) is already insane enough. We gave the driver the hotel key as directions, as he didn't really know where we were going, and joined the many, many cars, motorcycles, rickshaws and pedestrians making their way, in the crazy way they do, through the city streets of Jaipur.
We came to a red light (or some sort of stop) and as is often the case, a woman and her child came to beg for money. The child could not have been more than 3 or 4 and had open wounds one the side of his head. It was extremely hard to look at, and I had to turn away as the despair it would have caused me would be far more difficult to handle than the guilt I feel for not looking.
I know that each person there was deeply affected by the event, and there was much discussion as we continued on our way to the lap of luxury in the fancy hotel, after we arrived, and I am certain there will still be more to come, but here I can only speak for myself and my own feelings.
In that moment I felt completely helpless and truly sad. If I thought that giving that woman money would help, rather than further perpetuate the cycle of poverty, I would have happily done so, but sadly I do not think this is the case.
And so I ask myself, what can I do? How do I reconcile this in my consciousness?
In part I know the world is a crazy, messed up place, and it has been for a long time.....actually since the beginning of time. I am left with a feeling of immense gratitude for my life, my place of birth, and the fact that I live in Canada.....but for the grace of God go I.....
But there is more....I am left with the belief that life is so much bigger and deeper than I am....the effect I have as an individual in this world is something I will likely never know (for better or worse) but I do believe that I do make a difference.....that we all make a difference....or at least have that potential
More and more I realize that trying to make sense of this world will bring me no answers; I am pretty sure that I knew this before, but being here in India it has become even clearer. It doesn't matter why life is not fair, nor does it matter what I can't do. What matters is that as an individual I do the absolute best I can with what I have and believe that I am making a positive impact on the world around me. I will never really know the result of my efforts, and how they ripple out in the world, but I must have faith that I have been given the life and opportunities I have for a reason. I am also left feeling exponentially grateful for the experience.....
On a much lighter note....where else in the world would I ever me able to pay $ 65.00 cdn to have 2 dresses custom made for me to be delivered to my hotel and not even need a receipt?
Thanks for reading